Do you ever feel like you are just floating through life being content? Is contentment good or bad?

Typically, I have always thought being content was a good thing until you become complacent. But lately, I have had this feeling of contentment in more of a negative aspect. Like I am content with the fact that I am doing the bare minimum to keep myself going. I give myself fully all day to everyone else, and by the time I tuck my sweet son into bed- I have nothing else to give. Not even the energy to focus on myself. I am in fight or flight mode and I don’t really know how to get out of it.

Several times this week, I have been sitting back and thinking of all the ways that life is kicking my butt lately. And honestly, I have just been letting it. I realize I have become complacent. And that is not a place that I want to be in.

I also have rewrote this blog post 5x. But, as I rewrite and edit, I have realized that I am getting out of a slump of complacency. I think that I truly just got so overwhelmed that I let myself fall into a depression hole instead of taking life head on and removing things from my plate that weren’t necessary.

Do you ever have a problem saying no to people? I do. It is probably the worst thing about me- my cup is empty and I still don’t know how to say no. Then I have a to do list that is a mile long and I don’t know where to start and I get overwhelmed and then I can’t do anything.

Sometimes it is so hard to see the blessings in the chaos. I feel like I am drowning in a bowl of sadness and I am fighting to find my way back to the top. As I wrote that sentence a few days ago, I was in a place where that felt like enough- just being aware that I was drowning. But that is not enough- I needed to get to the place I am at today, where I am aware that I can no longer coast in this depressive state. I HAVE to fight my way back to the top.

Now that I have gotten off track, back to contentment.

The definition of contentment is a state of being happy and satisfied, per google.

So after reading that definition I feel that contentment is supposed to be, as I have thought, a positive feeling. When one’s life is going well, you can sit back and be content with all that is happening.

So now I have to have a mindset change. I have been trying to convince myself that my complacency is contentment, when in reality I just think I do not have the energy to face the fact that I have been stuck in a depressive state. However, I am aware, and I have taken the steps to fight my way back to the top.

That is why I skipped a blog post last week. Truthfully, I wrote this last week, erased most of it, rewrote it, and repeated several times.

All of this feels and sounds insane coming from a counselor, I am well aware. Honestly, I am embarrassed to be typing it, but then I remind myself that I am a HUMAN too. I have human feelings and I feel that it makes the people I counsel realize that many times the advice I am giving is some advice that I have given myself or an experience that I have felt and came out on the other side of.

I often found that growing up and going through counseling myself, that I better connected to my counselors that I knew were human and had dealt with some of the things that I was coming to them about.

Every stage of life, we go through something. If we do not face it head on and try to heal from the experience, we are just creating a problem that is going to fester up in the future. Now I can say that, because I used to be the world’s worst about holding my problems in until they explode. However, now I am the opposite and have TOO MANY feelings all the time. I am the first to tell “my people” all of the things that I am feeling. I imagine that my friends find it annoying, but I do it because it helps me and I want them to feel comfortable telling me their feelings all the time too.

Sometimes in friendships or relationships we forget that we still need to express our feelings, we get so comfortable with someone that we think that they should read our mind. I will tell you though, they cannot read our mind and sometimes they literally might have no idea that we are going through something. Or we try not to burden each other with our problems, mostly when we know that the other person is going through something. Now, we do this with good intentions- but in reality we are only burying our problems deeper and making it harder on ourselves.

I try to tell my students all the time, that part of being a good friend is sharing our feelings and problems with them. Having someone to share our problems, burdens, and feelings with is literally a way that we are healing ourselves. Sometimes, I know I do anyway, just feel better getting whatever is bothering me off my chest.

Currently, I am multitasking and texting one of my besties all of my feelings, because I can with zero judgement. She is listening, asking questions, telling me she understands, and just being there. Which is exactly what I need at this moment. (Thanks, Em)

Complacency is defined as being content with a situation and not feeling the need for anything to change, per several different websites that is my definition.

So at this time, I think I am complacent, but I have now realized that I do need a change. To get out of this funk and back to my normal, I needed a reset. How did I do that:

I took the time to cry. Really cry. It was one of those crying fits that nothing that I did could make it stop. But I got ALL of my feelings off my chest.

Then I did something to relieve stress, which in my life is clean. So I went crazy cleaning my house. Not the normal things, like I completely emptied my fridge and deep cleaned it. Oh and I can’t forget- I had music blasting at full volume. Not any specific genre, because if you know me I can go from country, rap, Christian, hip hop, repeat. In the middle of cleaning, I often cried or broke out in laughter at the song that would come on. But it was HEALING my soul.

Then I talked about it. My husband sat and listened to all my feelings, the good and the bad, and just gave me a hug.

Ya know friends, God can turn any and every situation into something glorious. Why do I try to hide my feelings of brokenness right now instead of handing them over to him? He is the only one who is going to give me peace and comfort during this time, and he is the only one who can turn my broken mess into something beautiful.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Why continue to sit and worry when God wants us to come to him with our brokenness so that he can set us on the right path. Often times, we learn the most in our brokenness or hard situations, or I find that I do anyway. As I sit and write this blog post today, God has opened my eyes to the fact that I am trying to shield my brokenness from Him and the people around me. Why is it so difficult for us to express our true self? Honestly for me it is just the fact that I have to admit to myself that I am not in the best place. It isn’t that I am trying to hide it from God, because he can see and already knows that I am struggling. I am not hiding it from my friends, because you can see it all over my face- as you can with any emotion I am feeling. I am literally hiding my emotions and feelings from myself so that I do not have to face them.

Right now, I am not strong enough to carry myself. I have to lean on God for the strength I need for reconciliation.

What is reconciliation? Glad you asked- forgiveness. Christ forgives us and in return we are to forgive those who have wronged us with the same forgiveness of Christ. Sometimes that can be hard, huh? I know that many times I have found this as a trying topic. But, God forgives us wholeheartedly- why can’t we do the same for others?

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

By withholding nothing from God, we are giving him full control over our lives. To turn the bad situations into glory for the kingdom. HOW AMAZING!!

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

All of my struggles and problems right now are in my own mind and with myself. I am more angry and unforgiving to myself for feeling angry, sad, complacent, and in a funk. Why am I letting the temptations of the world bring me down? I have no reason- other than it is easier.

Have you ever done something just because it was easy? Taken the easy way out instead of the hard? Of course, we all have. And that is exactly what I am doing right now by giving myself a pity party and letting myself dwell in the sorrow of the fact that I had become complacent in having these feelings and I did not want to do the “dirty” work of getting out of the funk.

But I took control. I will continue to do the nitty gritty work to get out of this funk I am in. I will not have a pity party and wallow in self doubt anymore. I am declaring from this moment forward- I am facing my feelings head on and I am going to do my best to hand it all over to God. Right now. Because he will make my mess perfect and for the glory of his kingdom.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

My burden already feels lighter. I am going to be okay. And so are you friends. No matter what you are going through- you will get through it. With God, all things are possible. I know that you will flourish and find the peace that you need. Trust the process.

I am sorry this blog is so random this week- my brain is in overdrive and you are getting a first hand experience. xoxo, Meg