So I’m ADHD. And if you have read my blogs, you can probably tell. My thoughts get scattered.. my attention span is short. I jump around. Shoot, it takes me a week to write a blog because I can only write in chunks (partly due to my 2 year old- but also due to my scattered thoughts.)
One day when I was in the middle of praying, I realized that my thoughts had completely drifted off.
Like to another planet, I couldn’t even remember what I was praying about or how long it had been that I had been distracted. That’s when I realized that I had to start doing something else to help me stay on task.
So I started journaling my prayers.
How do I do that?
I got a cute little journal, some fun colored pens, and sat down for my usual quiet time. I change colors. I might doodle, but I’m writing out my prayers. All of my words.
I have been doing this for years, and I recently looked back in a journal from college when I was showing a friend how my prayer journaling has developed over time.
But friends, I found prayers that I am currently living.
WHAT A LITTLE BLESSING GOD PLACED IN FRONT OF ME.
Tears were brought to my eyes. Instantly. I am living out the life I once prayed for.
And while I did appreciate and love every minute of it, as I read those sweet innocent prayers for a loving husband, one that would be a spiritual leader in our home, a wonderful father, a devout spouse- tears came to my eyes- because that is my sweet husband.
All those prayers have flourished in front of me. How eye opening and even more blessed I realized I was.
Sometimes when we are going through a funk, which I wrote about last week, it is hard for us to find the blessings of the moment. Now of course I know how blessed I am, but some days when I am living the monotonous everyday life of a full time working mom, I forget that I am so blessed. I am blessed to have a messy house that is full of love and laughter and friends. I am blessed that the pile of shoes by the back door show just how many people feel loved and comfortable in my home and want to spend time here. I am blessed that I get to send my child to a daycare that loves and adores him and teaches him so much. I am blessed to get to go to a job everyday that I adore and get to pour into 350+ other peoples kiddos.
Moral of the story- it is the messy, chaotic, loud moments that I have learned to find the joy in. Sometimes I feel crazy journaling about “Thank you God for this mess in my home.” But there was a day when 17 year old Meg prayed for a home that I could decorate, a husband that would be messy and leave dirty footprints from his boots, and a rambunctious 2 year old who would live crumbs and toys on every inch of the floor.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phillipians 4:8
But I do not just journal my prayers.
Shockingly, to be a counselor myself, I hate talking about my feelings out loud. CRAZY I know. But I like to fix people’s problems- and when I have a problem that I can’t fix, I don’t want someone to see that I can not fix my own problems because then they might doubt that I can fix theirs. As I write that out I realize that it sounds silly. But this is when I learned about journaling my feelings too.
Growing up, diaries were such the fad. Everyone loved a diary, mostly with a lock, so you could write all about your crush and no one would know. I just giggled reminiscing on those carefree times. Anyway, I had this realization in college that I needed to journal my feelings also. I had been journaling my prayers for a while, and realized many of my prayers were also filled with my problems or feelings. So instead of just people I was praying for, or situations, I threw in the tough, ugly, feelings that I had also. I feel like I just created a big kid diary for myself.
So, I am well aware I am not the first person to do this- but I can testify for how refreshing it is to journal your thoughts, feelings, prayers, and dreams. Now, I keep all of mine. I have a cabinet full of the journals I have filled over the years, but I like to look back and remind myself of all that I have overcame.
